Some time ago, I promised I would write about spiritual abuse. I will interchange the terms abuse and trauma, just so you understand.

With all that has happened with the Christian community at IHOPKC, I feel it’s time to have this discussion.

I want to start with a disclaimer. All communities have their own form of abuses. Abuses of power and spiritual and emotional abuse are present in all types of communities. I can say this because I’ve been a part of many types of communities through my life and have seen and experienced these things within those communities.

Because my “home” community is the Christian community, I will talk about this topic from this community. However, I will remind us from time to time that ALL communities have some version of this. If you want to hear more of my own story and some of the communities I’ve been a part of, you can read my past posts or check out these links of blog and podcast interviews I’ve taken part in:

Podcast with Fierce Freedom

Guest Blog for Jordan Crossings

Back to this topic of spiritual abuse. I have spent a large number of years in churches that have either had spiritually abusive leaders and/or have created an abusive environment overall. These environments extend beyond the structure itself.

Ultimately, toxic environments affect every person, family, and system involved. Intimately involved people, families, and systems that do not recognize the toxicity and exit the system also become dysfunctional/toxic/abusive. Those who do not become abusive are typically broken, sometimes irrepably so.

Some of these churches still have not changed. There hasnt been enough “public outcry”. Some of these churches have tried to change, but leadership was too closely affected by the toxic environment to truly end all the dysfunctional behaviors. I’ve also friends that have lived through other churches where this has been an issue. I’ve known others whose churches have fully recovered from spiritually abusive leadership and emerged healthy and strong. Not all continue on that way into perpetuity. I am eternally thankful for that.

I feel I must interject here that these are all different types of churches. I have noticed that some churches receive more attention for their issues than others. This keeps some in the cycle of abuse because those in charge think no one sees.

The key to emerging in from toxic environments in a healhy and strong way is recognition, reform within the system, or exiting the system if it cannot or will not be reformed. In either case of reform or exit, deep healing is always needed.

We will talk more about this. For now, I am going to give you a list of resources/food for thought. Some of these are Christian resources, and some are not. Let everyone discern for themselves which voices they want to hear. I will start with what I feel are some excellent discussions about the IHOPKC situation that has been ongoing for many months/years.

Resources to check out

The Remnant Radio

This is a group of pastors from my generation, who seem very put together and discuss things from a spiritual and intellectual standpoint. This video is their follow up on what has been happening at IHOPKC.

Dr. Michael Brown

Dr. Michael Brown is an incredible Christian leader. He has a true sense of wisdom about him. He believes in applying our intellectual minds to all facets of Christian spirituality. Here is a statement from him and numerous other leaders regarding IHOPKC. This is very obviously done with care and concern for all involved.

Here is another post that, to me, made a lot of sense. I don’t follow the individual that posted this, so I can’t speak to them, but this particular post was good.

Shaneen Megji

Shaneen talks about narcissism from a Biblical perspective. She also has excellent videos on both overt and covert signs of narcissistic leadership. I would recommend EVERYONE to please watch this video on covert narcissistic leaders.

Dr. Ramani

Dr. Ramani has a channel all about narcissism. She educates and helps people understand narcissism within family and relational dynamics.

Lee Hammock/Mental Healness

Lee has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. He received this diagnosis, trying to find help for his behavior patterns. He now spends his time spreading awareness of what narcissism is and how to help people heal from narcissistic abuse. Here is his YouTube channel.

Kris Reece

Kris talks about toxicity from a Christian perspective. I recommend starting with this video on how Jesus responded to narcissistic individuals.

*There are many more that I listen to and follow who teach about toxicity and dysfunction, but I’d fill up several pages. These are good resources and a good starting point.

If you’ve made it this far and are wondering how to deal with toxicity in your own church, my advice would be to be very careful. First, you need to know what you’re truly dealing with. Second, if you are considering being a whistle-blower, you need to make sure you do it in the right way. If you have proof and evidence of the abuses, that will be necessary, as blowing the lid off something that can’t be proven could result in slander/defamation issues. If you are a survivor of abuse, please reach out to a therapist that is trained in these matters.

Research, read, pray. Check out resources on how to exit an abusive system. Make sure you have adequate therapeutic resources and healthy and supportive friendships.

If you’ve been out of the system or situation for some time now and need help clearing emotional blockages left over from the trauma, schedule a Wellness Discovery session with me.

Be Well, Beautiful Friends!

-Kayleen Soden, Wellness Coach